Two shorts by Rui Zink
(translated by Rafael Gomes)

Lunch

A bomb exploded this morning in front of a restaurant in a downtown district of Lisbon. The device was made up of eight and a half pounds of plastique. The restaurant's menu, which was left unrecognizable by the blast was made up of meat and fish dishes. According to information released by authorities, the day's specials were Seville-style callamare, grilled trout with baby potatoes, French scallops aux champignons, and veal stew. As appetizers, customers could opt for fresh cheeses, bean dip, sardine paste, and, of course, butter with or without garlic, always pleasant spread on toasted sliced bread left over from the day before.

The house specialty, in terms of fish, was lemon sole with baked potatoes--$7.99. In terms of meat, a client could opt for wild rabbit and mashed potatoes topped with raisins and white cabbage, or roasted lamb garnished with bread slices drowned in olive oil -- $8.619, and $9.49, respectively.

Naturally, the menu also contained more conventional dishes typical in any second-class eaterie. Grilled-to-order sirloin steak with thick-cut fries and a small side order of cole slaw. Hal-pound pure beef hamburger. Fish sticks made with hake caught and frozen off the coast of Madagascar. Vegetarian pitta pocket with humous, lettuce, and tomato.

To top off the meal, either fruit or else one of the following desserts: egg pudding, Black Forest chocolate cake, apple pie, rice pudding, or ice cream sundae.

The explosion caused seven deaths, including one child, and two dozen wounded.

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Private consumption

A man carrying a Mozarnbiquean passport was detained yesterday by customs officials at Portela airport as he tried to enter the country legally.

Authorities had reasons to believe that the individual in question was a member of a cartel trafficking in stolen body parts.

After a quick search, authorities confirmed their suspicions: hidden inside his body, the Mozambiquean citizen carried two kidneys, one liver and one aesophagus.

According to customs' officials, the individual planned to sell the organs to a private clinic in Spain, or Switzerland.

The detainee's protests were futile. He alleged the organs were destined for private consumption.