by Alison Park
being a girl is knowing you woulda been charles junior or perry if you'd been a boy but
you turned out to be a girl so your name is charlotte
being a girl is loving your first pink bicycle with the glittery streamers at the ends of the handlebars and scraping both your knees the first time you crash it
being a girl is not understanding why you can't run around without your shirt on all the boys do
being a girl is always being called 'how pretty' or 'so cute' as your parents smile proudly, smooth your hair and tug at your fidgeting hands
being a girl is crying for no reason that you can explain and belting the boy who made you do it
being a girl is sleeping on your belly when you first notice you're getting boobs (hoping that'll flatten 'em)
being a girl is hoarding an orchard of berry flavored lip glosses and wearing them mainly for the taste
being a girl is believing you will actually DIE if he ever so much as talks to you
being a girl is secretly doing repetitions of we must-we must-we must increase our bust at night in your room, hoping they'll grow bigger and cursing yourself for not wanting them before
being a girl is worrying because your flow hasn't come to town for a month and a half
being a girl is him pushing your head into his lap for the blow job he thinks is his right and your privilege
being a girl is ignoring the laxatives your college roommates stocks up on every time you go to the drugstore and overlooking the hours she spends in the bathroom after dinner
being a girl is not having to show your id and getting free drinks when you go out dancing in those 3 inch heels
being a girl is giggling on the phone late at night about nothing in particular while doing your toenails
being a girl is still loving it whenever you buy something new and pretty, saying no and being taken seriously, finally not throwing up anymore, liking the size of your breasts and not worrying so much about what it means to be a woman